I just watched “My Big Love” (starred by Sam Milby, Toni Gonzaga, and Kristine Hermosa) on DVD last Monday night and I just can’t get over it. I remember the days when I was fat, from 170lbs. down to 120lbs. now. While watching this movie, I realized that I was actually facing a mirror. I’ve been there with all those five steps that Aira (Toni Gonzaga) is asking Macky (Sam Milby) and all of her clients to learn by heart.

1. Goal Setting - At first, I want to lose weight because I want to attract more guys and get laid. But eventually, I’ve realized that I have to do it for myself and not for anyone else.
2. Start Today - It took a year for me to get serious with my workout. But I’ve realized that I was actually wasting my money, paying the gym monthly dues without progress. Tsk tsk.
3. No Shortcuts - I didn’t take any diet pills. I did vigorous cardio exercises, especially cycling classes, and also a strict no-rice diet.
4. Motivate Yourself - It keeps me motivated when people around me can see that I’m really losing weight. And as Fitness First would always say, “Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.”
5. Be Happy - Be happy with what you have achieved, and don’t deprive yourself too much.

But weird isn’t? When I was fat, I had a lot of steady relationships compared today, or should I say I don’t have any relationships to call now. Just a lot of new and returning hookups, but no one is come back for a relationship. Maybe I should be fat again, so I can have my lovelife back where it was before. Sigh.

Tomorrow is the start of the Love Month. It might be just an ordinary month for others, but for some, it’s exceptional because this is the perfect time to search for the other twin of their red hearts. Restaurants or even motels will be fully booked again. Prices of roses and chocolates will go up. Shopping malls will be decorated with cupids and hearts.

I can still remember last year’s Valentine’s Day when Bear Cuddler and I were still together. We went to gym, ate out, and gave each other a simple present. However, this year, most likely I will be celebrating this day alone. Well, maybe, maybe not. Let’s see.

I’ve been single for almost a year already. I’ve dated a number of guys since then, but none of them has it. Well, I thought two of them might have had it, but I was wrong. I’ve realized that there are a lot of things to take into consideration in searching for a partner.

I was watching Queer as Folk (QAF208) last night. Justin went to Daphney’s house party. Though he was not really enjoying the party because of these straight homophobes, he was able to meet a guy at one corner. This guy is just a newbie to the scene, like what Justin was in QAF101. They had some serious talk after making out, and the guy said, “I don’t wanna meet a lot of guys… I wanna meet just one… to be with… just the two of us.” It hit me.

Should I really meet a lot of guys to date or make out with? Am I really looking for this one guy to be with forever? How I wish that someday, somehow, I can tell to the world that I already have the Red Twin Hearts.

Happy Love Month to everyone!

Professor X and I were dating for a month and a half. But somehow, he has personal problems for which I think he won’t be able to solve them if I’m around. I dropped the bomb yesterday. Of course, I got the expected reaction from him. I don’t want to do this but I think it’s for the best.

I cried the whole night. I kept on thinking if I did the right decision or not. I don’t want to lose him. Yet, I don’t want him to suffer more because of me. I don’t know if I should take my decision back and continue what we had for a month and a half. I won’t forget every moment I had with him.

Am I stupid enough to drop out from Professor X’s class? I almost had something and I let it go. Damn.

Last tuesday, Professor X went to my place to chill out for few hours. He is a good conversationalist, didn’t have a hard time reaching out to him. For just a short time, we were able to share some stories of our lives.

Professor X is working in call center here in Makati and will be teaching part-time this coming semester in one of universities along U-Belt. He lives in the land of Nuestra Señora De La Paz Y Buen Viaje (Our Lady of Peace and Good Voyage), my patroness.

When he left my place and went home, I just smiled and said to myself that this person won’t be just a come-and-go guy into my life, he can be a close friend or a potential partner.

And last night, Professor X didn’t just hang out at my place for few hours, but he stayed and slept beside me. And I must admit, I really enjoyed being with him all night.

I am being mutated by Professor X. I’m turning to be a non-pro-single guy. Will he be the next person to keep my heart after six months? Well, let’s see. I just hope this will move forward and grow more.

I had this weird dream yesterday morning…

I bought this magical paperweight. When you hold it, it will show your personal details like name, strength meter, height, weight, current job, status, and many others. And surprisingly, it was telling me that I’m “TAKEN” but I’m currently single. I finally woke up.

I tried to analyze my dream and it was Bear Cuddler who came first into my mind. I didn’t know I’m still carrying that baggage after 5 months of being single. I’m still not over him. Damn.

Acoustic Guy and I went out of tune due to issues which I don’t want to expound. I sent him a text message yesterday morning asking him if we could be just friends and no more pet names. I know this is sad for the both of us, yet I don’t want to pursue a new relationship for which lack of trust and inequality will make us suffer. We were both trying, but we’ve tried not enough. For the record, we were just an item, but not a couple.

I don’t know where I am now. Should I be happy because I have my absolute freedom again? Or should I be weeping that a might-have-been relationship was put to waste?

Oh well…

Couple of months ago, Harry Potter, one of my online friends, invited me to a Yahoo Messenger Conference with Acoustic Guy and Vanity Guy. I had a hard time catching up with what they were talking about since I was at work and chatting is definitely a taboo. Anyway, Acoustic Guy added me to his messenger list, so did I. Since then, we chat whenever we both go online.

There were a number of attempts for us to meet, but either one of us can’t make it. Maybe because of our geographical location. I live in Makati, and he lives in the farthest part of Quezon City. But then, we both decided to finally see each other last three weeks ago at Greenbelt 3. I find him cute… good fashion taste, stylish hair, and he knows how to carry himself. Actually, he has the resemblance of an ABS-CBN Talent Actor Joseph Bitangcol, for me at least. We pigged out at Kitchen then chilled out at Starbucks.

He sings well. I went to his gig the next day in Malate and checked him out. I was able to meet his band mates and some of his friends. Though I can’t be with him that whole night, I really enjoyed it. Everyone knows that I’m not much into any kind of music expect House. But after attending his gig, I think I’ll include Acoustic Genre to my list. Hehe.

Will he be the one who can bring back my old self? Let’s see.

For how many years now, I was really looking for a serious relationship. Yes, I was. I actually don’t know why, but I have this feeling now that I’m happy being single. Whenever I meet guys, I’m not thinking of committing myself to anyone of them anymore. They usually end up as dates, friends with benefits, or the one night only thing.

This is not me. Definitely not. The Martin I know knows how to love, and believes that there’s this someone that will be staying by his side forever no matter what. Sigh.

I am changing. I want my old self back.

Many would want to know what happened to me and Buttercup. So here it is.

Buttercup and I went out for a month and a half… dinner, coffee, movie, and even drinking sessions. We really had fun being with each other. But to my disappointment, he told me that he is not ready to enter a new relationship. Moreover, we think different about relationships, life, and how the world works. So we ended up as friends, and I believe that would be better than pushing it for more since we both are enjoying each other’s company.

Well, the world is changing… who knows…

Last March 31, 2007, It was Henry Lim’s (bar owner) birthday celebration at Government dubbed “Mother Wears Prada”. Me together with Arnold, Ferdie, Franciz, and Nephi planned to attend this big event. We were supposed to meet at McDonalds Pasong Tamo around 11:00PM. But surprisingly, I wasn’t able to get a cab, all with passengers, considering it’s already late… and heavy traffic. Gosh!

Anyway, upon waiting for an empty cab, a car pulled over before me. The window opened slowly and saw this cute guy with nice eyes and stubble hair. Let’s call him “Buttercup”.

Buttercup: Hey, are you going to Malate?
Me: Uhm, no, not really, I’ll be going to Government.
Buttercup: Oh ok. Thought we’re heading the same way and can offer you a ride.
Me: Thanks. But I’ll be out of your way…
Buttercup: Alright. Bye.

His car started to move forward. I hate it. I didn’t even get his number. Stupid me. But… I saw his car moving backwards and trying to get back where I am.

Me: Thought you’ll be going to Malate?
Buttercup: Get in…
Me: Government?
Buttercup: Yeah, I’ll drop you by there.
Me: Really? Thanks!

We went to McDonalds Pasong Tamo to fetch my friends and then he dropped us by at Government. This time, I got his number before going out of his car. Whew!

Going back to Mother’s Birthday bash, we didn’t make it inside… super mega long line! Argh! We decided to chill out at W.G. Diner, just two blocks away from Government. After a few hours, we went to Synders Malate. I was able to meet Buttercup again with his friends. But we never had moments together since we were with our own group of friends.

Anyway, after Synders, Me and my friends went to Starbucks Adriatico and had some talk about relationship and stuffs. Then we continued at Tapa King Harbor View for breakfast. Imagine, we went home at around 9:00AM already! What a long night!

The following night, Franciz and Nephi sorta organized a drinking session at my place. Franciz invited his three former officemates from PeopleSupport, and of course, I invited Buttercup too. I was so happy when he came. So we were seven then.

The PeopleSupport people decided to call it a night at around 2:00AM, leaving us four in the room. Before we catch a short nap, Buttercup and I had some moments of kissing. Hehe. He went home at 4:30AM.

After that, I seldom receive a text message from him, or will reply after like 24 hours. So I didn’t make any much effort since then. It seems he’s not that interested in me.

But last Monday, I received a message from him asking me if I like him or not. I said I really do, but I don’t think he likes me too. He said he was just busy that time, and I wasn’t asking him out either. Anyway, the conversation went on and we had set a date last night at Greenbelt 3.

We had dinner at Kitchen and went to Krocodile Grill for a shot of Kurant 7. He drove me home at around 11:30PM. We kissed before going out of his car.

I really enjoyed the night with him. Though it was not a typical guy-to-guy date (Sex after date, I mean. Haha.), I had so much fun. I’m hoping it will not end here and would want to take this to the next level.