“Let's get one thing straight, I'm not.”

This is a classic song from Michael Bolton. The first time I heard it this year was in “Search for a Star in a Million Season 2” which Kris Lawrence sang in their finals night. Since then, it has been going through my head over and over again. This can be my song for the moment. Check out the lyrics.

How Am I Supposed To Live Without You?
Michael Bolton

I could hardly believe it when I heard the news today
I had to come and get it straight from you
You said you were leavin’
Someone’s swept your heart away
When I look upon your face, I see it’s true
So tell me all about it
Tell me about the plans you’re makin’
Oh, tell me one thing more before I go

Tell me how am I supposed to live without you
Now that I’ve been lovin’ you so long
How am I supposed to live without you
And how am I supposed to carry on
When all that I’ve been living for is gone

I’m too proud for crying,
didn’t come here to breakdown
It’s just a dream of mine
that’s coming to an end

And how can I blame you,
when I built my world around
The hope that one day
we’d be so much more than friends

I don’t wanna know
the price I’m gonna pay for dreaming
Oh, even now it’s more than I can take

Tell me how am I supposed to live without you
Now that I’ve been lovin’ you so long
How am I supposed to live without you
And how am I supposed to carry on
When all that I’ve been living for is gone

I don’t wanna know
the price I’m gonna pay for dreaming
Oh, now that your dream has come true

Tell me how am I supposed to live without you
Now that I’ve been lovin’ you so long
How am I supposed to live without you
And how am I supposed to carry on
When all that I’ve been livin’ for is gone

Gone without you…
Now that I’ve been lovin’ you so long
How am I supposed to live without you
And how am I supposed to carry on
When all that I’ve been livin’ for is gone

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On My Own

Yes, today is Rodney’s last day here in the Philippines. Francis and I woke up at 7:00AM. We reached NAIA Terminal 1 by 8:30AM. We were a bit late and Rodney just got in the airport. He told me that he’ll try to go out a little later. But due to lack of time and miscommunication, we never had a chance seeing each other for the last time. There’s nothing I could do but cry. Yes, I cried out loud infront of many strangers, like in some telenovelas. If I could just have a way of bypassing all the airport guards. Good thing Francis was there to comfort me.

Now, from this day until I could follow him in Dubai, I’ll be on my own. And to my precious Rodney, please take care of yourself. I’ll be keeping you here in my heart always. I love you so much.

It is only 2 days from now before Rodney goes to Dubai. He is booked on an 11:00AM flight this coming Thursday. I already filed an incentive leave for tomorrow (our 9th monthsary) and Thursday morning. Am I really prepared? Am I now ready to face each morning without him? I guess not, but I hope I will be. Sigh.

Since Rodney is leaving very very soon, we had an overnight mini Pink Festival last Saturday at Robinson’s Apartelle with some friends: Arnold, Henry, Jim & Brad, and Matt. I brought in a DVD player and 4 movie titles. We watched Bathhouse, TransAmerica, Eating Out, and Doubt/Duda. It was fun watching gay oriented films with gay friends. Hehe.

Bathhouse, TransAmerica, Eating Out, Doubt/Duda

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His Precious

Last January 19 was Rodney’s 27th Birthday. Birthdays for him are just ordinary days of the year, nothing special. He can actually celebrate his birthday just lying on his bed all day. But me? It should be extravagant, or at least, a small feast with family.

Anyway, I let his birthday be ordinary. I went to work from 8:00AM-5:00PM, while he and his mom went to Divisoria and bought a luggage bag for his Dubai trip. We went to gym at 6:00PM. Afterwards, we decided to dine in at Don Henrico’s Malate. While waiting for our Chicken ala Buffalo Solo Pack and a 10″ Pizza Supreme, I handed him my surprise. I gave him a 2-tone ring. So, both of us now have our own rings (he gave me a diamond ring last December). I was very pleased that I made his birthday more than just ordinary.


Hubby vs. Opportunity

On February 2, 2005, my hubby Rodney will be trying his chances in Dubai. When he told me about his plan a few months back, I was really confused. I didn’t know what to do then.

But being a hindrance to someone’s future won’t do any good. So, even it’s hard for me to accept, I need to. Though he promised me that he will be getting me soon. Until the time that I can follow him comes, a long distance relationship should bind us together. It will be hard for the both of us, but we know we can.

Map of Dubai, UAE

I really love this song… nice beat, melody and lyrics. I still don’t know if this will be my song of the year. I hope you all get what I mean. Sigh.

Don’t Forget About Us
Mariah Carey

(Don’t forget about us)
Don’t baby, don’t baby, don’t let it go
No baby, no baby, no baby no
Don’t baby, don’t baby, don’t let it go
My baby boy…

[Verse 1]
Just let it die
With no goodbyes
Details don’t matter
We both paid the price
Tears in my eyes
You know sometimes
It’d be like that baby

[Bridge 1]
Now everytime I see you
I pretend I’m fine
When I wanna reach out to you
But I turn and I walk and I let it ride
Baby I must confess
We were bigger than anything
Remember us at our best
And don’t forget about

Late nights, playin’ in the dark
And wakin’ up inside my arms
Boy, you’ll always be in my heart and
I can see it in your eyes
You still want it
So don’t forget about us

I’m just speaking from experience
Nothing can compare to your first true love
So I hope this will remind you
When it’s for real, it’s forever
So don’t forget about us

[Verse 2]
Oh they say
That you’re in a new relationship
But we both know
Nothing comes close to
What we had, it perseveres
That we both can’t forget it
How good we used to get it

[Bridge 2]
There’s only one me and you
And how we used to shine
No matter what you go through
We are one, that’s a fact
That you can’t deny
So baby we just can’t let
The fire pass us by
Forever we’d both regret
So don’t forget about


And if she’s got your head all messed up now
That’s the trickery
So why you act like you don’t know how this lovin’ used to be?
I bet she can’t do like me
She’ll never be MC

Baby don’t you, don’t you forget about us

[Chorus x2]

Don’t baby, don’t baby, don’t let it go
No baby, no baby, no baby no
Don’t baby, don’t baby, don’t let it go

When it’s for real, it’s forever
So don’t forget about us.

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Part I – White Party (December 29, 2005)

CircuitAsia's White Party

Since it’s the last GLBT event of the year, Rodney and I decided to go. We went to World Trade Center at around 1:30AM. The ticket is only P100.00, but on the contrary, their drinks are very costly. Imagine, P100 for a bottle of mineral water, P50 for softdrinks in can and P100 for a glass of ice tea, not bottomless take note.

I’ve seen familiar faces specifically some Bedan party goers, MaNSoCieTY peeps, and my online friend Brian Keith. I really like the Airdance presentation, i’ts like watching Regine Velasquez fly with her butterfly wings as she sings her rendition of the song “On The Wings Of Love”. We left the place at around 4:00AM.

Part II – Amateur Models (December 30, 2005)

Arnold and Henry invited us to join their studio pictorial at Great Image in SM Manila. No biggie, it was just for keeps. Flowery background is the best choice, isn’t it? Hehe.

Arnold, Henry, Me, Rodney
Arnold, Rodney, Me, Henry
Rodney, Arnold, Henry, Me

Part III – Waste Disposal (December 31, 2005)

Since it’s the last day of the year, my brother and I decided to clean our room and rearrange some furnitures. It took us almost half day to finish this task. Tiring but rewarding.

Part IV – New Year’s Eve

It’s only an hour and a half before I had the chance to prepare for the eve. While our neighbors have all sorts of fireworks, we just had confetti poppers. It was a safer way of celebrating the coming of the new year.

Part V – New Year’s Day at Mausoleum

Yes, it’s now our family custom to spend few hours at Mausoleum on special occasions. We prayed for their souls and feasted the left-overs from our Medya Noche.

Part VI – Exodus: Tales of the Enchanted Kingdom

Arnold, Henry, Terence, Rodney and I watched the movie Exodus. Their special visual effects are close enough to what international fantasy movies have. But I find the plot superficial. It may seem to be the lighter version of Lord of the Rings. They have less fighting scenes and not so good stunt choreography. With such visual effects, I can still say that this local film is worth watching.

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I had a chance to watch this film with Rodney last Tuesday. I admit, I’m an avid fan of “Okay Ka, Fairy Ko” since then and never missed an episode or movie of it.

This year, the production and writers of this legend expanded the scope of “Enkantasya” kingdom, thus, making it more similar to Encantadia. Enkantasya today is being ruled by 3 sisters namely Ina Magenta (Alice Dixon), Ina Verde (Melanie Marquez), and Ina Azul (Toni Rose Gayda). Being the eldest, Ina Magenta assumed to reign the whole kingdom. But at the end of the story, it has been revealed that their wicked enemy Satana (Bing Loyzaga) is actually their long lost sister Amarillo. Isn’t it like Pirena in Encantadia?

To protect Enkantasya against Satana, they need to have the medallion which was divided into 4 parts. Ina Magenta holds a part, but the other 3 were missing. Uhm, apat na brilyante in Encantadia?

Even though it seems they copied the concept of Encantadia, it was for the betterment of this legendary TV series.

My Christmas 2005

Part I – Apartelle Getaway (December 17, 2005)

Two of our friends Henry and Arnold organized a Christmas Party held at Robinson’s Apartelle near Boni Ave. Edsa MRT Station. The attendees were all PLU’s (People Like Us… uhm, Bisexuals or some sort) namely Henry & Louie, Arnold & Steve, Topher & Alex, Jim & Brad, Gelo & Gregg, RT & Jerwin, Matt, Rodney & I. It was a potluck event, so we bought Pancit Malabon and Barbeque as our share. We had games, presentations, and some conversations. It was a remarkable experience with our old and new friends.

Part II – Sabiclub.com’s Christmas Party (December 22, 2005)

Top: Ace, Me. Bottom: Jane, Kat, Marnel.

Our Christmas Party was held at World Music Room in Greenhills, San Juan. We also had games prepared by Jen and Mejie, and a presentation prepared by Kat and I. But unfortunately, our presentation was executed incorrectly due to lack of practice and enthusiasm. It was a short interview-like skit, each portraying a Pinoy Big Brother housemate: Ace as Say, Vench as Franzen, Marnel as Chx, Jen as Nene, Van as Jenny, Kat as Mariel, Jane as Toni, and Me as Uma.

Next was the exchange gift segment. I gave my baby (Kyle) a Reebok bag while my mommy (Mejie) gave me a Starbucks thermo mug.

As the party ended, Kuya Jonard treated us to Starbucks. As always, I had Rhumba Creme. Yumyum!

Part III – Christmas Eve

I don’t have the energy that night. I really don’t know why. It was already 11:00PM and still lying on my bed. But anyway, I took a shower, groom myself, and waited for the clock to strike 12:00AM. Our dinner table was filled with Spaghetti, Fried Chicken, Hotdog, Ham, and Fruit Salad. At 1:00AM, I went to bed.

Part IV – Christmas at Mausoleum

I woke up at around 8:00AM. We went to our Mausoleum where my grandfather and grandmother (mother’s side) were buried. We prayed for their souls and feasted the left-overs from our Noche Buena.

Part V – Pinoy Big Father

After spending few hours at Mausoleum, my two brothers and I left the place and went to Alabang Town Center to meet our father. We agreed to meet at 2:00PM but he arrived an hour late. Delay, Sigh. He was with his brother Tito Archie and family loaded in the van. Thought of him going out of the van, he asked us to get in instead. So where are we heading? I don’t know. Actually, I was planning to treat them to a movie and eat out afterwards. But, they need to buy a ponsettia plant for their sister Tita Malou. Fine. Another delay, Sigh. Now that they had the ponsettia plant, I was expecting that Tito Archie will drop us back at ATC. But no, we went to their sister’s place at Ayala Alabang Village. Thinking that they need to deliver the ponsettia plant right away, it’s fine with me.

So, at my aunt’s place, they pigged out some tuna wrap and pancit. Delay. Fine. To my dismay, my Father together with my Uncle went to the billiards table and played their thing! And he let my brothers watch a pirated copy of King Kong! Tsk Tsk! A very good plan of spending Christmas with our father did not materialize. I hate it. We visited our father not to watch VCD, but to be with him. Being irritated and bored at the same time, it came to my senses that I need to move and do something. So I started encouraging my brothers to go home. It made my Christmas not so perfect.

Part VI – Christmas with Love

Before leaving my aunt’s place, Rodney and I were brewing some plan to go out. We ended up watching the movie Kutob, starred by Marvin Agustin, Rica Peralejo, Alessandra De Rossi, Ryan Agoncillo, and James Blanco. After the movie, we had a small talk with our friends who watched Shake, Rattle and Roll 2K5. Our friends decided to go home at around 10:00PM and since it’s too early for Rodney to go to work, we went to Starbucks People Support Center Building and have my Rhumba Creme and his Creme Brulee.