I had this weird dream yesterday morning…

I bought this magical paperweight. When you hold it, it will show your personal details like name, strength meter, height, weight, current job, status, and many others. And surprisingly, it was telling me that I’m “TAKEN” but I’m currently single. I finally woke up.

I tried to analyze my dream and it was Bear Cuddler who came first into my mind. I didn’t know I’m still carrying that baggage after 5 months of being single. I’m still not over him. Damn.

Last Saturday, I went to Government with my SD Family since Dada Neb will be out of the country for two weeks. We’ve witnessed the Men of Government Grand Finals. The guy who got the crown is really deserving for me, though he’s not my personal choice.

I decided to hit the dancefloor. Then I received a message from a textmate which I haven’t meet yet, informing me that he was actually behind me. I looked back and saw this cute guy. Let’s call him Green Goblin. He started to rub his chest on my back as we dance, his hands on my waist and holding hands. Then we went upstairs and introduced him to my circle. I never thought that we also have common friends. And around 5:30am, I asked him if he come with me at my place. At first, he was hesitant since he needs to walk his dog around the park or else, that dog will crash their door. But then, he finally agreed. Of course, it happened. We had this conversation after that…

Me: I’m happy being with you now…
Green Goblin: That’s dangerous. Don’t fall for me.
Me: No, that’s not what I meant. I mean I’m happy because you chose to come here with me instead of going home and walk your dog.

He’s right. I think it’s really possible for me to fall for him. But then, it’s good that he’s honest enough to tell it straight to my face that he can’t commit. Well, the only option is for us to stay as friends with benefits.

But overall, I enjoyed every moment with Green Goblin that night.

Acoustic Guy and I went out of tune due to issues which I don’t want to expound. I sent him a text message yesterday morning asking him if we could be just friends and no more pet names. I know this is sad for the both of us, yet I don’t want to pursue a new relationship for which lack of trust and inequality will make us suffer. We were both trying, but we’ve tried not enough. For the record, we were just an item, but not a couple.

I don’t know where I am now. Should I be happy because I have my absolute freedom again? Or should I be weeping that a might-have-been relationship was put to waste?

Oh well…

Couple of months ago, Harry Potter, one of my online friends, invited me to a Yahoo Messenger Conference with Acoustic Guy and Vanity Guy. I had a hard time catching up with what they were talking about since I was at work and chatting is definitely a taboo. Anyway, Acoustic Guy added me to his messenger list, so did I. Since then, we chat whenever we both go online.

There were a number of attempts for us to meet, but either one of us can’t make it. Maybe because of our geographical location. I live in Makati, and he lives in the farthest part of Quezon City. But then, we both decided to finally see each other last three weeks ago at Greenbelt 3. I find him cute… good fashion taste, stylish hair, and he knows how to carry himself. Actually, he has the resemblance of an ABS-CBN Talent Actor Joseph Bitangcol, for me at least. We pigged out at Kitchen then chilled out at Starbucks.

He sings well. I went to his gig the next day in Malate and checked him out. I was able to meet his band mates and some of his friends. Though I can’t be with him that whole night, I really enjoyed it. Everyone knows that I’m not much into any kind of music expect House. But after attending his gig, I think I’ll include Acoustic Genre to my list. Hehe.

Will he be the one who can bring back my old self? Let’s see.

I met this Beachbum Guy in Puerto Galera with his friend Smart-looking Guy last April. Apparently, I became Beachbum Guy’s nurse during that night. He was so drunk and threw up many times. Hehe.

Two weeks after, I met this Dog Tag Guy through my old friend Spinner Guy. And surprisingly, Beachbum Guy met Dog Tag Guy through his friend Smart-looking Guy two weeks after I met Dog Tag Guy.

But wait, there’s more. I met this Acoustic Guy in Greenbelt 3 last Sunday through an online friend Harry Potter, only to know that Acoustic Guy and Smart-looking Guy crossed their paths a couple of months ago. I went to Acoustic Guy’s set last night and didn’t have the chance to get any sleep yet.

I just realized how small our world can be that we can draw circles around it and link those broken chains.

Franciz and I went malling at Glorietta last Saturday. We were astounded with what we saw inside the Bench store. Two hunky male mannequins face to face! It seems that they’re also celebrating Gay Pride with us, but we’re not so sure though. I was staring at them for about a minute, took a picture, and smile. Very overwhelming. Hehe. Happy Pride to all!

For how many years now, I was really looking for a serious relationship. Yes, I was. I actually don’t know why, but I have this feeling now that I’m happy being single. Whenever I meet guys, I’m not thinking of committing myself to anyone of them anymore. They usually end up as dates, friends with benefits, or the one night only thing.

This is not me. Definitely not. The Martin I know knows how to love, and believes that there’s this someone that will be staying by his side forever no matter what. Sigh.

I am changing. I want my old self back.

Last week, I went to the gym after work, just my usual workout routine. I got so tired then so I decided to go home. I usually take Washington jeepney to Export Bank Plaza, and from there, take Mantrade jeepney to Cityland Pasong Tamo Condominium.

I waved my hand to this Washington jeepney driver for him to see that I need a ride. I sat beside him (front seat). I had my earplugs on and very busy jamming with my cellphone, that I unintentionally forgot to pay for the fare. We reached Export Bank Plaza just a few minutes after, so it’s time for me to get off the jeepney. While I was walking along Pasong Tamo floating like an air, a jeepney cut me off, not recognizing that it was the same Washington jeepney I hitched in. The jeepney stopped, so I continued crossing the street. And suddenly, he moved his jeepney towards me on purpose! I felt a painful pressure on my left foot.

Me: What is your problem?!?!?
Driver: You didn’t pay for the fare!
Me: Ok, sorry! But you don’t have to hit me just for PHP7.00!
Driver: You’re so busy with your cellphone!
Me: Here is your PHP7.00! Eat those!

I admit that it was really my fault that I forgot to pay, but I don’t deserve to die just because of PHP7.00! Argh! My left foot was suffering for three days, but it’s bearable, I can still walk normally. I was very thankful that going to the hospital wasn’t necessary. Whew!

Now I know that seven pesos can also kill.

My Mom and I had a terrible fight last month. So I decided to move out from our house and moved in to my bestfriend’s place in Cityland Pasong Tamo Condominium, just a few steps away from our Alma Mater. Actually, I was really planning to move out sooner or later and experience the life of being a bachelor. But I don’t want it this way, leaving our house with such emotional baggage.

At first, I thought it would be that easy for me to adjust, but it’s not. I have sleepless nights and usually ended up crying. I miss our house and my family, especially my brother Marvin. I’ve had been sharing the room with him for years, and he is the one that I can comfortably talk with in the family regarding my sexuality, angsts, and opinions.

I’m also having a hard time coping with this self-governing life. Of course, there are things now I have to look onto… the rent, utilities, laundry, and food. At home, the food is ready and I can eat right away. And I just have to put my used clothes in the laundry basket and after a day or two, they’re in my closet again. But now, I have to cook first before I can eat, and I have to pay for laundry services every now and then.

I can really say now that life ain’t easy.

Many would want to know what happened to me and Buttercup. So here it is.

Buttercup and I went out for a month and a half… dinner, coffee, movie, and even drinking sessions. We really had fun being with each other. But to my disappointment, he told me that he is not ready to enter a new relationship. Moreover, we think different about relationships, life, and how the world works. So we ended up as friends, and I believe that would be better than pushing it for more since we both are enjoying each other’s company.

Well, the world is changing… who knows…